Dear Amina Mohammed,

First, I think I should say hi, a really huge hi. Now, you don’t know me, do you. Sorry, I know you are too busy to know everyone of those potential exam thieves you have been running after for the last couple of weeks in person. Probably I should use my index number? Probably?

First, I should pass my congratulations. It’s good enough to pat you before I smack you with the condolences. You have managed to give an exam, a show of might on your side. We all had thought that being a diplomat, the tiny little terrorists in our schools would rain hell on you. But you showed them might, you brought the wrath of the government on them. You placed policemen on every exam room. You made sure that they were terrified to their sinews. That was pretty clever of you.

But I am also afraid. I am afraid not of the children who wet their pants because they did their exams right next to an AK 47,but of the education at large. I am sorry, but yours truly thinks that you manage your hair more better than you manage the education system. But I am proud of you.

See, it seems that you have managed to do what religion has always failed to do. No, I am sorry, I am not going to congralute you for hammering conscience and good morals into kenyan students. I am afraid you have failed horribly at that. You had a whole busload of girls giving birth just at the onset of exams. I think we all blamed society. I am happy you did, because a minister shouldn’t take flak from the amorous actions of school girls, should she?

I just want to congratulate you for completely eradicating the danger of creativity and humanity in our children, and us. See, if we started doing that the county wouldn’t go anywhere would it. Which country needs creativity? Which one? We need people who can think about GDP and GOP. We need educated people who can become doctors and engineers. That is where the money is. In fact, we should all think about the money. Thanks, it’s a very nice idea. Even the DP agrees with you wholeheartedly.

I have done twelve years of your dosage of education. I am proud of it. I have numerous certificates to myself. I speak good English. I can cram whole tomes of books if I need to pass an exams. But I am afraid I don’t feel educated. Not at all. I feel like you and your predecessors succeeded in trapping all of us in this mental debris that we can’t walk out from. But I am proud of you. I am really proud. Your ilk and serial killers are on the same level if we based our evaluation on attachment to lives.

Look, I am no educational expert. I am sorry, I shouldn’t have anything to say about education. I don’t have a Dr before my name. The closest I have come to being an expert is when writing my mums schemes of work. You think teachers do all the work when they have families to do it for them? But I think I am stupid enough to say things as they are. Yes,I know. Those students who don’t know how to pad the reality with “no sooner than” and “hardly had I lifted my foot than” don’t pass exams. Those ones are terrorists who should fail kifudifudi.

But I know one thing at least, that you are running an enterprise that presides over a constant white washing of the fragile brains of the children. No one can think anymore. That’s why if anyone of them rambles off one of the many pieces of propaganda that you have stored into their brains, those ones about worshipping a bunch of horrible foolish politicians. I am never surprised. I always tell them that Amina’s medicine is working wonders.

I shouldn’t keep this letter too long,or should I. You and Nancy have really hit it off. I was intending to ask whether you ever understand her English, or whether she ever taught a language at any point of her, but I won’t. I have relatives who are teachers. They will probably get fired if I do. But you should say hi to her. I will send a bouquet of flowers her way if the budget allows. But you should also tell her that she often has more teachers out of school than in school. And if at all she is a mother, tell her to consider having one of her children as teachers employed by the very amiable TSC in the future. That would be very erudite of her, right?

I happen to know that you have been around the country this past week. You are tired. The tiny terrorists have exhausted your resolve. I am also tired, a little. I sat for an exam today. I am sure I will pass because I crammed everything. That is how I was taught all along. I won’t keep you reading too much. None of us loves reading, and none also loves people who read too much. I think we share that.

Pass my regards to your staff and the whole ministry at large. Tell them I sent my congratulations. The next time they should have the responsibility of smacking the children with exams, tell them to do with a little more enthusiasm. Probably we will have a little lesser numbers in our universities. I mean, who wants many University graduates, when all they do is question your choices because they have read a little, who want?

Before I wrap up, I think I should say this. It was probably better when we were taught by our grandfathers. I know you hate it. But then no one tried to compress our brains into the pockets of capitalism.

Have a nice weekend, won’t you?

Yours in sarcasm,

Author: kantai


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