THE LADIES IN MY LIFE 2-SNORINE VUSAMIA

The ladies in my Life

Her age is diminutive, almost disgraceful for her brains. Whenever you mention age, and experience, she has to throw you one of those glances that are more glaring than admiring, eyes that seem to be saying, ” just you dare, young man.” She defers to no man,not even her `elders` like me.

One of my friends, another girl ,once called her a `pointy`. Honest to God I don’t know what that means, but let me talk about his `pointy` today. And if somehow I fail to turn up for exams from being bullied and probably coerced into deleting this post, this will also act as my will, and final dying wishes. Decide to write this on father`s day. Yes, it`s not a coincidence, nothing is a coincidence in this life. One moment Snorine is always this perfect girl, demure, lady like, even shy as all ladies ought to be, the next she bullies you like your father would do.

We are once seated at the mess, eating our usual dosage of under-cooked carrots, under-served beef, overcooked green grams and too much soup. None of us has the heart to whine about this mediocrity, after all we are all subsisting on a student budget that does not afford us the comfort of some `shanty` called ` Kevin hotel`where all the bourgeoisie of the school go have their meals. And how does even get the inspiration to call a cafeteria `Kevin hotel` in the first place? This is absolute lack of inspiration, I think, but I don’t have the leverage to speak about inspiration either when I study in an institution with zero tolerance for inspired ideas. They can`t even get inspiration into their cooking for hell`s sake, and all the spoons in the mess have broken edges! Any inspiration from that?

As usual, we have to talk about life. I think we have hardly ever talked about anything else since we met. We also have to reminisce about her short uneventful and dusty stay in narok, about her juvenile and incessant traveling escapades, about the unending number of seminars she attends, and lastly, as usual about her preference for men with `something to boast about.` My conscience calls girls like her the ` girl figures actively seeking father figures.` That is just my conscience, not my words please, but in her defense she will always say how people her age, which is also my age, are petty and controlling, and do not know how to live. Dear ladies and gentleman, you don’t wait for the missiles to hit you when this sort of conversation starts. You`d rather haul your bag, and get a call from your long dead great- grandmother asking you how grass has grown back in your village, or else you`d spend the whole day trying to justify how `romantic` you can be.

She walks with this small bounce, the sort that you see in a coach whose world cup team is leading at the end of the game. Sometimes, when you chose to deride her choice of taste, she has to remind you that it is a trademark of hers, and that `you won`t try to mess up her brains like you always do with your psychoanalysis.`But then, when you are comfortable with everything you are, and everything you are not, you can`t afford not to smile at the tiny little ways that the naivety of her age shows through the brainy facade she has been adroit and hard at creating. Like her choice of shoes, any mature well meaning girl dresses in nice trademark flats and rubber shoes, in most occasions its the usual knock off pair of `vans` that sell them off, but Snorine rocks up to school in a pair of `bata bullets`,yes, those ones that every teacher forced you to buy in high school, and there goes her age!

In my life, both as an `adult` and as a kid, I haven`t seen anyone who loves and dreams of comfort as much as she does. Look, I am not saying what you are thinking, don`t try to precede my thoughts with your connivance please! But how many people do you know, who use neck pillows to cushion their necks when traveling at night. How many of you even have an iota of an idea what a neck pillow is? How many/ But here comes an lady, hardly legal, who complains that she has a sore neck because she didn`t carry a neck pillow with her on the trip to Tanzania. The rest of us never even give the heck what time it is we travel, we just pop into the vehicle and find the most comfortable way to sleep, be it on our neighbors shoulders, precariously balancing on our arms, or for those who have `crocodile stiff ` necks, you just hand your head in shame, while asleep through the journey. What are neck pillows again?

In one of this m,any conversations of ours,she and my tribe-mate Sompet, another character worth writing all together, decide to brand their feminism as ` actively aggressive` and my laid back masculinity as `passively aggressive.`Look, I don’t know what those two statements really imply, but they made me feel a little inferior. Actively aggressive? Passively aggressive. This is what is called the `pinky` world, where you have different classes of ` aggressive.`Yours truly seems to think that all that shenanigans is just creations of their fertile brains. You are either aggressive or you are not, but Snorine wont listen to any of that rationale, not if Google and `what she has heard` are on her side.

I you ever were looking for a girlfriend, then any Alma mater of Alliance Girls High School has to be approached with some care. They breath fire and brimstone when irked. I tend to think that sometimes, being an accredited `brain jerk` has its way of making you too vociferous with your opinions, or too decisive with your choices. They even can`t give room for the usual ` diplomacy.` Truth be told, you are either with them or you are not with them. Or they would play you like marionettes, then have a good laugh about it with friends. That is just so Snorine for you, so very her.

Have you even seen a daughter of Wetangula`s nation who loves riding horses? Have you? Have you ever seen a daughter of mlembe who goes to the race course to train? Have you even ever seen one who knows the difference between chess and scrabble, if at all they know what those are? I refuse to believe that she was born in the farmlands of Kitale, or that she even grew up with the maize and the sugarcane! That is a lie, period! Perhaps one Kulei Kangogo, who really is a fan of the usual exhausting bureaucracy should form a commission of inquiry to investigate this,and when they `get to the bottom of the usual, while leaving no stone unturned ` as they always say, I would be glad to launch this report!

She is an inspiration, and a warning that I should`t ever try to be a dead beat sperm donor, if this is the type of hate the `honorable`donations get reciprocated with. And before I complete this whole piece, perhaps I should remind her that she is not yet eighteen, she should perhaps listen to her `elders`, like me,more often. We have been through more heartbreaks that she has seen.

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